Big Red's Nightmare Cubs roster

Note: These are guys that pissed me off when they played and make me cringe thinking back on them.

C - Todd Hundley
The roids didn't take for Hundley. He came to the Cubs after a couple good years in LA, but couldn't hit a beach ball with a tennis racket for the Cubbies. He was also a terrible defensive catcher and from all reports an all around jerk of a guy.

1B – Julio Zuleta
This position was hard because Mark Grace, Derrek Lee and Leon Durham have filled this spot for like 22 of the 26 season I've been alive. Zuleta kind torques me off because when came up he appeared to be a guy destined for some good things, but they never happened and then he simpy disappeared completely from baseball.

2B – Manny Alexander
This was Sammy Sosa's boy, which meant he didn't go away until Sammy went away. Alexander was a light-hitting, average defensive player that ended up in the lineup or in key late game at-bats way too often and never seemed to come through.

3B - Steve Buechele
Buechele actually had a solid season with the Cubs. Unfortunately they played him for three seasons. I think his batting average plummeted during those years from like .290 to .185. That's what you get for giving a long contract to a guy on the back end of his career.

SS – Neifi Perez
Perez was fine on the bench. Unfortunately, Dusty Baker didn't keep him on it. Perez seemed to play everyday even if it wasn't the same position. He'd occasionally get a big hit but for the most part he'd strike out and play with very little range out at short.

RF – Jacque Jones
Jone was decent in Minnesota and was decent at times for the Cubs. But the Cubs paid him to be great and he was never that. He was also one of those guys that thought he could throw every runner out at the plate. Jones barely could get the ball to shortstop on most days.

CF – Corey Patterson
Patterson had a lot of promise. But he never learned how to lay off bad pitches, hit to get on base, bunt, hit for consistent power, how to steal a base, etc. He was a pretty good defensive center fielder but that only gets you so far.

LF – Todd Hollandsworth
Ugh. It always amazes me to think Hollandsworth was once the NL Rookie of the Year. He was a decent bench player, but like always the Cubs saw a guy get a pinch hit or two and they'd try to play him every day. It didn't work out real well.

Bench
Utility outfielder - Alphonso Soriano
I know how can you put a 40 home run hitter on the bench. Well because he's a horrible fielding outfielder (yes he's got a good arm, but he throws a lot of guys out that would have been out if he would have just caught the ball). Plus he's to obstinate to realize that he's not a leadoff hitter. He can't run. He can't bunt. He can't get on base to start rallies. He can hit home runs, that is it.

Utility infielder - Jerry Hairston Jr.
This is the guy they got back for Sammy Sosa. So the Cubs made sure he played nearly every day and did nearly nothing. He's another guy with some skill but that doesn't seem to use any of it.

Utility - Jose Hernandez
Hernandez could play in a lot of spots, which made him valuable. But he was an all or nothing kind of guy. It was great to seem him homer 20 times a season, but the guys struck out 200 times with 180 of those coming with guys on base.


Rotation

Anthony Young
This guy had the longest losing streak in the history of the major leagues with the Mets. So the Cubs picked him up. He toiled a year or two with Cubbies and that was really longer than it should have been.

Jose Guzman
The Cubs got this guy when the Blue Jays had a Cy Young pitcher named Juan Guzman. I think for awhile that's who most Cubs fans thought they got. Instead they got a guy who won 12 games for the Cubs in 93 and 2 in 94. Not so good my friend.

Jason Bere
Not very good. This guy went 11-11 for the Cubs in 2001 and then 1-10 in 2002. Ouch. That's what you get for pitching a former White Sox.

Frank Castillo
Castillo was part of six Cubs rotations in the 1990s and never won more than 11 games. Most of his win totals were around 6. Granted the Cubs were real bad back then, but come on how did he keep his job that long.

Turk Wendell
Other than being really goofy, he didn't pitch very well for the Cubs. He held on longer than I thought with the Mets I believe. But if he had as many pitches and goofy superstitions, he be a Hall of Famer.

Closer - Anotonio Alfonseca
The six-fingered guy was given one big finger every time he came in and blew a save. There are a lot of former Cubs closers who could sit in this spot, but I don't think any of them were as bad Alfonseca could be at times.

Relievers
Bob Scanlon
I think Scanlon was probably the first Cub player I remember really not liking whenever he came into a game. He was guaranteed to give up a home run and three or four more runs every time.

Kent Mercker
This is the guy that got into with Steve Stone. Both guys were gone after that season. But my god they should have cut Mercker as soon as he started bitching. It's not like he was doing anything great out of the pen anyways.

Bob Howry
Home run Howry lived up to that name this last season. He didn't have anything left in tank. It seems Howry can only have one good year with a team before falling completely apart. We're still waiting for our one year.

Manager - Dusty Baker
I considered putting Baker and Don Baylor on this line. They were essentially the same, lets sit back and see if we hit any homers where out the rotation kind of guys. Baker just had a little more talent on his teams and more pitchers to use.

Pitching coach – Marty DeMerritt
This was the big, mean looking dude that didn't seem to do anything for Cubs pitchers in the late 90s. He'd fit right in with Dusty on the bench.

Snakester's Nightmare Cubs Team

This was a fun list to make. There are plenty of bad Cubs players over the years, several I still shake my head about to this day. But that was life on the North side.

C: Todd Hundley - High expectations and a legacy to live up to. Too bad we got him way past his prime. It got downright sad during his tenure. I almost put Micheal Barrett in here cause that guy really pissed me off, but Todd takes the cake. Worthless.

1B: Hee Seop Choi - Can we ever get tired of busted farm system guys? He was supposed to be the next great thing, now his legacy is that we traded him for Derek Lee. He could barely field and couldn't hit crap. I don't think he lasted much longer after the Cubs gave up on him.

2B: Eric Young - He was past his prime (just like the Cubs like to get them) and really did nothing great at all. He was slow and couldn't hit or field. Sounds like the guy I wanted out there.
3B: Kevin Orie - He was the next Ron Santo, at least that is what everyone wanted us to believe. I think he had like 1 good at bat that lead to his short lived fame. Then Jim Hendry realized we needed something much better. I was never impressed and I think I used to swear when he would come to the plate.

SS: Neifi Perez - Dusty loved trotting this guy out there. I am pretty sure that is why they finally said enough to him. Neifi just sucked. It was hard to watch any game he played and think that they were gonna win. But for some reason he was Dusty's guy and made for alot of bad Cubs memories.

RF: Jacque Jones - This was kind of a by default choice. Really there weren't many right fielders besides Andre & Sammy. Although if Kosuke doesn't improve!! I give Jacques credit for coming through pretty good down the stretch in '07. Still way too up and down for my taste. Alot of cringe moments when he would swing at some outrageously bad pitches.

CF: Corey Patterson - This one was easy. I remember always hearing this name, he is gonna be the answer. He will save the Cubs. What a joke. That is when I learned to not listen to what the organization says about their farm system talent. I hope they all got fired over this kid. Felix Pie isn't far off although he is showing signs. I chuckle when I see Corey striking out for the Reds. Dusty deserves him.

LF: George Bell - I remember being upset as a kid when the Cubs traded Bell to the White Sox for Sammy Sosa. Of course that didn't last long. One move they got right. He was slow and only a marginal hitter. There have been plenty of bad options in left but George stuck out to me.


Ok lets move to pitching. This is where I probably had my list done in about 5 minutes. I remember everyone one of those crap slingers that pissed me off over the years.

Starters: Jaime Navarro, Mark Clark, Julian Tavarez, Kevin Foster & Glendon Rusch - Navarro was a huge bust but at least they got rid of him. Mark Clark was average at best but the Cubs thought he was the shit for some reason. Julian always seemed to have blisters, slivers, bruises, etc, whatever that wouldn't allow him to pitch. Then when he did he just sucked. Rusch is like the homer king. Seems like he was always giving up the big homers every game. He is proof that all you need to be is left handed to pitch in the majors, doesn't matter if you are any good. Kevin Foster just recently pasted away from cancer (RIP) so I decided not to speak too ill of him. I put him on though because there was one season he was one of 3 pitchers in the league to have 10 wins by the All-Star break. Then he only ended up with 12 for the year and the Cubs had a second half slide. Broke my heart.

Relievers: Kyle Farnsworth, Turk Wendell, Felix Heredia, Mitch Williams - Just a smoresgesboard of bad pitching. Farnsworth could throw heat just no where near the plate. His necklace issues always bugged me too. Turk is just a name I can never forget. Heredia blew lots of games for them. He seemed so good for like 2 months and it was that let down I will never forget. Mitch 'Wild Thing' Williams was never as good as the hype. Funny though that he ended up blowing the World Series for someone else. That always makes me chuckle.

Closer: LaTroy Hawkins - Just plain bad. I dunno if he was the closer by default but he sucked. He was a whiner too and I hated that. Hmm a closer that buckles under pressure and blames someone else like the media. Sounds like time for a career change.

Utility Outfielder: Brant Brown - He did help supply the greatest sound byte in Ron Santo's history but I am sure that is one he would like to forget. I don't know why they thought he could work in the outfield.

Utility Infield: Cesar Izturis & Jose Hernandez - Izturis was a bust and I was never a fan of the guy. He was holding back The Riot! Hernandez seemed like for everything he did right he did 5 things wrong. We wasn't horrible but he was never good enough to play anywhere everyday.

Manager: Don Baylor - No not Dusty although he probably pissed me off the most. I don't know how Baylor was ever thought to be a good manager. I remember watching games wondering if he knew anything about the game of baseball.

Pitching Coach: Marty Demeritt - This is mostly a shout out to some good times making fun of the guy. I remember that he seemed to wear a whistle like he was a mean gym coach. He looked like he was ready to kick the crap out of anyone. Big Red & I used to joke about what he was thinking and saying when he would walk out to the mound with all those bad pitchers: threatening their lives, etc.