Show Me The Money

"Line the locals one by one, filling bullets with their guns" Havana Gang Brawl - The Zutons

I still remember the conversation very distinctly standing there in our garage. "You don't wanna be a cop! Be something where you can make some money." My dad was actually talking to me about what I wanted to do with my life. He suggested I go into accountancy because this guy from our church was a 'bean counter' and he made good money. I always thought it was about the money.
On almost a daily basis he would meet some of the lowest 'scum of the Earth'. That kind of daily interaction can really mess with a person. We lived out in the country surrounded by small communities without alot of opportunities for diversification. The only time he met someone different was when he had to come lay down the law. I would figure that doesn't make for good first impressions.
I always found it funny the perception of law enforcement. They are every one's hero until they have a reason to come after you. And when one of them messes up people sure do like to rub it in. Favoritism is a term I've heard alot before. But really someone has to look out for them and all they have is each other.
I know he loves his work, you can hear the pride in his voice when he talks about his record. Yet there is something behind all of it that is probably harder than anything else to deal with. You meet people on their worst day and most others are out to get you thinking you are the enemy. That is something more important than money, it is life with a smoking gun.

It Adds Up

"It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds" - What Sarah Said - Death Cab for Cutie

"I am going to stab you in the neck." He said elbow on his desk, grin on his face and pencil pointed in the air.
"No, you're going to finish that math." I said without so much as a blink.
Being threatened is a rare thing, for most people anyway. In a lifetime, maybe they have a handful of times when they are really in a situation where another person is willing to cause bodily harm. For three years, I was threatened on a regular basis while I worked in a school system.
After the first dozen times or so, you're blood doesn't even really get pumping. Not every threat was serious. The one above wasn't even one that warranted any discipline. After awhile, you actually hope they act. Just to see what happens.
But I remember this instance because it was my birthday. But which birthday, I am not sure. Maybe 23. Maybe 24. I don't know they run together.
In fact as I consider it more, he may have said "eye" not "neck."
But what does that matter. I guess if he did it not much. A pencil through the eye or in the right place in the neck would have the same result.
He wasn't going to do it. Not that it wasn't in him. He'd kill if pushed to it, but I don't think a page of third grade math really bothered that high school kid enough. For the two years he was in our program, he was a daily pain in the ass. For me, more than anyone.
Why?
While I don't think he'd admit it. He liked me. After he graduated, he stopped by a time or two. But then he went to prison (for the second time in his life). Math was never what he really needed to learn.

Taut and twisted

Note: This may be an example of when free writing doesn't turn out good. I don't know I am a little conflicted with it.

"Going to free fall out into nothing, gonna leave this world for awhile." Free Fallin' – Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers.

Our mutt of a dog named 'Buddy' pulled the leash till it was taut and twisted. His head was bent forward like a mule heaving to get the plow blade through arid soil. I pumped my sore, out-of-shape legs behind struggling to keep up with the fervor of Buddy to walk down the road to discover new smells, new sights. To reach a spot. To see.
It was late in the afternoon, the December sun hung low in the horizon, sizzling as it hit the snow covered earth. Everything was golden even the white and black fur covering Buddy's boney structure. There was a serenity to it.
I learned the word "verisimilitude" in college. It means the 'appearance of being true or real.' I fell in love with that word. I like the idea of things appearing to be true because to me there is a connotation that they are not.
What was true for Buddy yesterday as we walked was that he wanted to see the journey come to a conclusion. Animals are like that. They're singular in their goals no matter how brief they hold onto them.
What felt real to me was the feeling of being rushed and being tired. I had set out to write yesterday and it didn't happen because I ran out of time. I slept. I did chores. I walked the dog. I went to work. I went back to sleep.
I do that a lot especially with my writing. I set out to do it and never get there. Over the years I've started a handful of projects – novels, stories, etc. – that I never finish. One such project I've wrote over 50,000 words on, that's about half a standard novel, and now it rusts on the hard drive of my labtop.
I tell myself at some point I'll step out of the daily bussle and focus on that. But I can feel that slipping. I am falling through time. My head is down, the blade grinds in, I look up and 1/3 of the field is done.

The Only Way To Go Is Up

Note: Ok I am gonna try my hand at this and I already know it will be a little too literal but I am just starting. I am wired to be more literal, that is why I am trying to do this. So here we go.

"When that morning sun comes beating down, you're gonna wake up in your home town. But we'll be scheduled to appear 1,000 miles away from here." The Load Out - Jackson Browne

I haven't traveled much in my life, granted I am still young but it seems like I am behind the curve. I have only flown twice, once for work and once for a mini vacation with my wife. We flew to Atlanta for a weekend seeing the sights and ending with a Cubs game. Flying is a very odd sensation, in less than 2 hours I am long way from home. What happened? How did I get here? When you drive somewhere at least you see the landscape. My brain can comprehend the gradual changes in landscape as we cross the US. Instead, I walk up a ramp and boom everything is different.

The sun is hot in Atlanta, I have never felt air so thick that I was afraid I couldn't breathe. Nothing but high rises all through downtown. Feeling so small standing there since up was the only direction you could see. At least I knew which way was up if I didn't know East from West, North from South. Take away the ability for someone to have their natural survival instincts and you will see panic. Not that I was panicking, more of an unnerving sensation. Still we were young and foolish walking through downtime past all the homeless people and guys begging me for a dollar to get a Big Mac.

We made it everywhere we were trying to go, somehow we just did it. There was a light rain for most of the Cubs game. It felt good and kept the sun from beating on us for awhile. I think they lost I don't remember other than watching Zambrano warm up in the bullpen. Really it was harder to navigate our way to our seats than the streets and rail system of Atlanta.

The whole trip is a blur, there and gone in a flash. Hour and a half and we were back home. The next morning I woke up and went to work as if I was never really gone. Back safe within my bubble of this world.

The Bears' QB Futility

Kyle Orton had a bad game last night for the Bears. But I heard no outrage today over how he lost the game, people seemed more level headed. Last year they would have been screaming to lynch Rex Grossman. But at this point right now are they really any different? Kyle came out and had the offense clicking towards the beginning/middle of the season. Really that is a pretty similar scenario for when Rex was putting up amazing numbers in '06. Kyle missed one game due to injury and has come back with 3 sub par games. Sure maybe it is because he isn't 100% but what if it isn't? Does your ankle affect your reads on safety coverage over your outside receiver? They looked like Rex throws to me.

Now let me put it out there that I have always been a Rex supporter so much in the way that I feel sorry for the guy cause it isn't all his fault. This is a team game and yet the entire city of Chicago continues to boo the guy just for walking on the sidelines. Doesn't this really stem from larger issues?

My point is this, it really isn't alot of difference between Rex & Kyle. Both are decent QB's that at least half the league would probably take over what they currently have, well maybe 1/4. Name one top rated passer that does not have a top shelf receiver to throw to? This system, this team, this management simply doesn't know how to play offense. The biggest problem with that is that their defense is broken. Running the ball is simple, look at Denver for proof. Just block each man and give the ball to anyone that can hold onto it and still move fairly quickly. I know it isn't that simple but compared to putting together a true passing game it is. Takes 1 to run, 2 to pass.

Basically stop booing Rex and don't think Kyle is the answer. The system and the supporting cast are bad. Drew Brees wouldn't be able to throw to these guys.

What sticks inside

Note: This is sort of a free writing exercise I created while I was growing up. I'd turn on some music and latch onto a lyric from whatever song was playing and just wrote whatever came to my mind. Someone once said that free writing is the gateway to the soul. "Now, I don't know about that" as Forrest Gump would say, but I always found the end results interesting. Here we go. Let's open Pandora's box. (ha. ha. I am listening to Pandora right now, get it :)

"Last night I lived more than one thousand lives, not one of them survived" from the song Nearly Beloved - The Wallflowers; album - Rebel, Sweetheart

Last night I got to thinking while watching the Bears play the Vikings. Not about the game or how bad the Bears are, although that was hard to avoid.
I was thinking about second grade. That year I had a teacher who rewarded good work with stickers. Not on your paper, but still on the film so that you could stick it anywhere. So I started sticking them on my desk. Soon the kid sitting next to me took to the idea and before long we were racing to see who could cover the top of our desk first. It didn't take as long as you would think. Especially when we started bringing stickers from home or trading to get more from other friends. By mid-year the tops were full. Then we moved to the sides, the seat and legs and every spare spot we could find. It was like in an instant we wanted to beat each other in that and everything else. When we were on opposite sides during recess football or basketball, we were fierce. But at no point did we dislike each other. We just wanted to see each other lose.
So it was no surprise that my favorite team was the Bears and his was the Vikings. He wore a bright purple Starter jacket everyday to school. I had a blue and orange Bears one to answer.
I believe the Bears played the Vikings that year on Monday night in Metrodome. My memory might be wrong, but I believe it was the infamous game where Kevin Butler missed a last second field goal and a conspiracy grew that the air conditioners were turned on full boar when the ball was kicked forcing it left.
Anyway I remember him reveling in the win.
That's how it was. After that year, I don't think we were ever that close again. That's how things are sometimes as a kid in a school system. Each year you get a new desk neighbor. A new friend. A new rival.
But I always think about him every year when the Bear and Vikings meet up north in the dome. I remember when he died that I thought about how he liked the damned Vikings. So I guess I get over loses to Minnesota a little easier now.
I laugh a little actually. Because I remember second grade and our two desks covered in bright stickers and how we each lost about a week of recesses at the end of the year when the teacher made us clean them off. We sat there alone in the room. A wash bucket of soap and water on the floor and a sponge in each hand. Grinning as we tried, in vain, to get the sticky grime off the surface of our desks. We counted each one as they came off. Of course we did.
Now all these years later, I have a memory for each sticker in time, probably more than 1,000 all together. Where we'll each go? How many will I lose in a year or two? Will any survive the night much less a lifetime?

Calling Out People Who Forget

Yesterday on 670 the Score, radio host Lawrence Holmes had a little venting to do after a very quick and rough interview with Bears DL Tommie Harris. Harris was dodging most questions giving short answers and then cut the interview off cause he was starting a charity function and was being mobbed by people wanting autographs. After the call ended Holmes unleashed some personal venting on Harris's change in attitude lately and accused him of turning his back on the people of the radio station and becoming a bad person.

Whatever Harris's motives were don't really matter for my point. I was more impressed that Holmes finally came out and said something negative about a Bears player that he used to have a good relationship with, something Holmes appears to be more comfortable with all the time as he moves into his own identity and not the Bears beat reporter.

While I was encouraged to hear Holmes give us some real feelings and emotion on the radio, it also made me think about how he has changed. As the Bears beat reporter he needed open access to the locker room and the cooperation of the players in order to get any information. Rare was the time when I ever heard Holmes say anything bad about any Bears player even when the radio hosts he was talking to were openly bashing obvious flaws with the team. But now the tables have turned as he has his own shows and isn't in that locker room anymore. All of a sudden he can pass judgement on Tommie Harris for getting paid and turning into a bad person.

Either way both men have changed from what I remember. While I am not saying whatever Harris is going through is any accuse for his drop in play and general sour attitude lately, certainly a once overly nice and positive speaking Holmes is probably the worse change out of the two.

The End of Missile Football

This past Saturday marked the end of an era. As the Milledgeville Missiles were knocked out of the IHSA Class A playoffs by Stark County, Coach Gary Hartje's 30 year tenure came to a close once again 1 game short of the state championship game. 30 years is a long time and in a small school/community it is the cornerstone needed to build good programs. But not only did he coach high school football he used to coach 8th grade basketball and the high school girls softball let alone his normal teaching duties in the junior high. Dedication and commitment to a community that so desperately needs people to stand up this way and wear the many hats.

Still his accomplishments with the gridiron are by far his greatest. There was an article this fall in which Coach Hartje paid his respects to a founder of Missile football, Lester Snow. But every accolade you could give to Coach Snow & Molson for building the foundation of a football program for the farming community of Milledgeville, Hartje was the one who made it last. I played on many sports teams and have had several coaches but I cannot recall one with a better emotional connection to his players than what everyone experienced with Coach Hartje. Even when he was mad & screaming in practice it felt different. He was always about moving on to the next game or season whether the previous was good or bad. In his last 10 years he came 1 game away from the state title game 3 times. That is only 3 times in school history teams had made it past the 2nd round. There are always coulda's and if's no matter what happens in life but it takes someone special to look past most of those and be proud of every team they coach, win or lose.

All the Missiles can do now is look forward just as Coach Hartje taught all of us to do for so many years. And even if the day comes soon when the Missiles cease to exist there will still be memories of the teams 'With One Heartbeat' and a man that was Missile football.

Thanks for all you've done Coach!

Snakester's 10 Worst Beatles

Yes, even the greatest have their faults. Although these could be minor and at times is really just nitpicking because of the higher expectations most of the Beatles' work is held to. Still some of this make my ears hurt at times.

10. Hello Goodbye - Magical Mystery Tour: Ok maybe I should blame Target for this one. Still even before the annoying commercials came on I never did get this song. It is just corny nonsense to me. I do enjoy Ringo's drumming, that is about the only redeeming quality.

9. Blue Jay Way - Magical Mystery Tour: I promise I am not going to rip on MMT the whole time although it is by far my least favorite album, if you can even call it that they way it was thrown together. George's voice is just overdone through the mixing board sounding way too eerie in a very bad way. To me this is a drug trip without the usual enlightenment. The lyrics make me laugh cause it sounds like a 4th grader wrote the rhymes.

8. She's Leaving Home - Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band: I don't like the orchestration in the background, too much cheesy sounding strings (even though that is probably what Paul is most known for). It is a pretty song but it isn't the Beatles. The backing vocals through the chorus/refrain are over the top. This just added to a disappointing mid section of Sgt Pepper and part of the reason I would never consider it their best work.

7. Good Morning - Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band: Not exactly the model of creativity starting off a song called Good Morning with a rooster sound effect (not to mention the other animals on the outro). I thought this was a rock band? All I here the whole time is keyboard and horns until the guitar solo finally hits. It is basically a scaled back childish version of A Day in the Life.

6. She Said She Said - Revolver: I think this was about some gypsy/voodoo woman John ran into once. Don't quote me on that but it is something similar. It is a little to cryptic even for John. The She Said, I Said stuff is a little annoying. It is like a 5 year old is telling me a story about something that happened on the playground. "She said you don't understand what i said, I said no no no you're wrong" what??

5. Glass Onion - The White Album: There is no substances to this song. Basically he just name drops like everything from Magical Mystery Tour and then tells us to look into a Glass Onion. I read somewhere that a glass onion was an old casket that had glass where the face is so that when people were buried visitors could look down and still see their face. That is creepy on its own. There is probably more cryptic symbolism in this song that we will never understand.

4. Get Back - Let It Be: This song makes absolutely no sense. Get Back? Like get out of here you aren't welcome cause the one lady is really a transvestite? The tune is catchy and holds the song together and probably makes it a favorite to many people. But really listen once and try to figure out what he is saying.

3. Yesterday - Help!: It isn't the Beatles, it is Paul McCartney pre-Wings. I never bought Paul's story about dreaming up this melody and still do not understand the fascination about this song. It is a beautiful song but it isn't great. Sappy little love song. Does it reach the same status if it was just released as Paul rather than The Beatles?

2. Across The Universe - Let It Be: This song has just always bugged me. I don't like the guitar part and John's voice is unappealing. I have no idea what he says in the chorus before "Nothings gonna change my world". Seriously to me it sounds like nails on the chalkboard.

1. Within You Without You - Sgt. Pepper: It is very hard not to think this is the worst song under the Beatles name. Although I will admit when it comes on now, I can actually make it through the song with hitting something. It is way too much Indian influence that most of the western civilization can handle. The Sitar playing sounds horrible and I am sure it is because George isn't doing it right. I don't even know what most of the lyrics are cause you can't really hear them over the obnoxious noises. How can anyone say Sgt Pepper is the greatest Beatles album with this sitting right in the middle of it?

Snakester's Top 10 Beatles Songs

This is always fun cause it challenges us to shorten up our lists of favorites. I think my list changed a little bit every time I looked at. I wanted to try to be true to my ultimate favorites but then also give a good sampling as to represent what I think the Beatles. So if someone asked me in 10 songs to define the Beatles, I would probably give them this list as well.

10. If I Fell - Hard Days Night: This one is probably forever burned into my brain because of the movie. Either way I think this is the power of their early harmonies. The chorus is just amazing sounding so pure so young. The true definition of a teen love song.

9. You Never Give Me Your Money - Abbey Road: I find as I have gotten older Abbey Road has become my favorite album. This is kind of the start to what was the B side medley of songs to end their career. It is soft and heartening. Paul & John come back together well in the opening. Then it kicks up into this new song that is really what is going on. Trademark Paul organization that would make him alot of money with Band On The Run. The guitar riff though the middle is very inspiring.

8. Taxman - Revolver: This should have proved to everyone that George could write a song. John & him pull together this really biting riff but I love to turn up the bass and listen to Paul pound out this groove like you never hear on a Beatles tune. I was even more shocked later when I read that Paul also did the guitar solo. "And you're working for no one but me!"

7. I Feel Fine - Past Masters Vol 1: This remains one of my top songs from my childhood. The feedback at the beginning still gives me this weird feeling like it is even faster/harder that it really is. George is just the definition on raunchy on this one (insert Paul head wiggle here). So I digress a little to talk about George in how he could lay it down but he didn't solo. He left that to other people. I always believe Sultans of Swing is taking about George Harrison. "Check out Guitar George, he knows all the chords, but he's strictly rhythm he doesn't make it cry or sing."

6. I'm Looking Through You - Rubber Soul: This is the ultimate break up song. What happened? Why did you change? "Love has a nasty habit of disappearing overnight" That is an amazingly insightful lyric. The little pickup in beat through the refrain adds a little edge of rage to the song that always seemed to be lurking under the surface.

5. Dig A Pony - Let It Be: This is a more recent addition to my list as I sort of rediscovered it one day when my mind was very open. The live feel of the roof top I think adds alot to this song, it is more about this exact performance. Ringo's drumming into the chorus pounding and unlike anything you normally got to hear from him. There is a strange joy in John's voice, almost relief. And that little riff into the chorus is tight!

4. She Came In Through The Bathroom Window/Golden Slumbers/Carry That Weight/The End - Abbey Road: Sure it is technically 4 songs but really they were all meant to go to together and I would find it impossible to separate them musically. It is heavy on Paul but this seemed more his thing. Just listening to it sounds like a quick medley finale to a concert. Like this is how their end their show. Start out a little rocking, slow it up a little with a tender Golden Slumbers and move into the anthem of Carry That Weight then solo out into The End. I dunno what it is, but this arrangement has always moved me when I listen to it. I will never listen to just one song on shuffle, I either skip the one song or turn shuffle off for a minute so I get the full effect. "And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make"

3. While My Guitar Gently Weeps - The White Album: I truly believe this song would have been just as great if not better if one of the Beatles played the main guitar inside of Eric Clapton, it might have just lost some of the extra drama. It is very eerie sounding and really represents kind of the dark feeling of the White Album.

2. Eight Days A Week - Beatles For Sale: I will always love this song, it is by far their best from the early days. The fade in is very unique and the claps are a must. This one gets stuck in your head cause it is so infectious. The lyrics are clever and a good example of their teen pop songs needing an extra day in the week to give you all their love. The harmonies are A+ and the song is so well put together you can't find anything that could be done better.

1. And Your Bird Can Sing - Revolver: I don't know if alot of people know this song, it is certainly not one of their mainstream hits but most fans will recall it. I once saw it described as the ultimate power pop song. I can't say it much better. The song moves with force that it feels like the fastest 2 minutes of your life. Yet so much happens musically in the song. The guitar riff is amazing with just enough fuzz to make it feel edgy even today. The song represents that feeling towards people that think they are so much better than everyone else and know everything but you know their life is empty. This is the Beatles' sound at the height of their career musically.

Honorable Mention:
Happiness Is A Warm Gun; Paperback Writer; Your Mother Should Know; Oh Darling; You Won't See Me