Snakester's Worst Writings

As hard as my best list was to make, this is 10 times harder just because I tried not to read anything I thought was crap. So I preface with this understanding of the list; I did enjoy some of these books but they may have given me a negative reaction or I did not like the style or voice of the author.

10. The Natural - Bernard Malamud: This is my first experience with a movie changing the story from the book to make for a nicer ending. I think if I would have read this book before I became completely obsessed with this movie in my childhood, I think my reaction to the ending would have been very different. I already had this image in my head and Malamud's very dark tone and ending drew a very adverse reaction from me. Then as I got it into perspective, it at least made it believable that the events could have taken place since all record of Roy Hobbs was wiped from the books by the commissioner.

9. Radicalism of the American Revolution - Gordon S Wood: Your first obvious question is why the hell did you read a book like this, well I took a history class in college Pass/Fail as something to do my senior year. Wood is a highly regarded historian of revolutionary times and I think this went to his head in this work. I appreciated his points as valid as they were, but his voice & style just seemed arrogant. It was as if he was saying how stupid are you people to not realize and know this stuff. At least that is how I felt when I read it as if Gordon S Wood was sitting on the couch next to me talking down at me for not realizing how radical my country's revolution was.

8. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald: This was an assignment for a high school class and IMO the biggest snooze fest ever written. I cannot remember being able to read more than 5 pages at a time without being completely bored or falling asleep. I still have no idea what was so great about this and why high school English teachers want us to read it. Unless it is a true test of endurance and a way to grade the resolve of a 16 year old to finish an assignment.

7. A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess: I love this book and this movie, but 1 issue gets it on my list. I picked up a more recent edition at a book store with a foreword from Burgess ripping his publisher for excluding the final chapter in the American print of his book and how Stanley Kubrick basically ruined his life by ended in the movie without the story from the final chapter where Alex cleans up his life and grows out of his teenage angst. So this had me all built up for how the last chapter unfolds and changes the story. But it was crap. You can't have almost 200 some pages of a guy rebelling, doing evil things, resisting reform, etc and then in the last 7 pages all of sudden have him snap out of it and realize that is childish stuff. I guess I could see where he wanted to go, but he did a bad job with it. So I ended up agreeing with the publisher and Kubrick that it made a much better story without.

6. True Grit - Charles Portis: This is probably another byproduct of loving the movie first. But for a western, I think Portis's narrative got a little jumbled in the action. The ending got very screwing and you can get lost in it a little bit. The movie was much cleaner as is to be expected but I also think it is a better route for the story to go to be slightly more believable and understandable for why things happen.

5. Lord Jim - Joseph Conrad: I know this guy is a tough read, as reference by Big Red's list as well. But this story is so confusing and really full of homosexual innuendo, which I guess is always present when talking about sailors. Even when forced to for an assignment I couldn't barely read it once nor have the desire to reread to understand it better.

4. Who's Looking Out For You - Bill O'Reilly: I had liked some of Bill's shows that I had caught in the past so I took a chance to read this book. What crap, I guess he wasn't what I thought he was. Politics is always a sticky situation I guess, but usually books of this nature need to be at least entertaining. It is mainly Bill up on his soap box preaching the whole time.

3. Leadership Sopranos Style - Deborrah Himsel: This is a good idea and obviously will draw in fans of The Sopranos, but was very poorly executed. Deborrah worked for Mary Kay, so she is trying to relate mob boss leadership (very man dominated) into a female world. The whole thing is written in the female language (she, her, etc) and really muddles the translation. Plus when the second sentence of every paragraph or point has to disclaim that you do not support violence, harassment, murder, etc, your message tends to get very jumbled.

2. The Godfather - Mario Puzzo: I learned one thing reading this book, Mario Puzzo was a perv. There is so much sex and sexual details in this book that it really detracts from the main story. There are at least 80 - 100 pages on a side character about her quest to be a movie star and how her malformed vagina is holding her back. I was like WTF is this and why did I need to know that?

1. Billy Bud - Herman Melville: I don't know how anyone could think they could shove so much symbolism and innuendo into 70 pages. I read this 4 times then tried to write a paper and still got a D. I have no freaking clue what any of it meant and it forever tarnished me from wanting to read Moby Dick as well. Again, cruelty among high school English teachers.