Note: This may be an example of when free writing doesn't turn out good. I don't know I am a little conflicted with it.
"Going to free fall out into nothing, gonna leave this world for awhile." Free Fallin' – Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers.
Our mutt of a dog named 'Buddy' pulled the leash till it was taut and twisted. His head was bent forward like a mule heaving to get the plow blade through arid soil. I pumped my sore, out-of-shape legs behind struggling to keep up with the fervor of Buddy to walk down the road to discover new smells, new sights. To reach a spot. To see.
It was late in the afternoon, the December sun hung low in the horizon, sizzling as it hit the snow covered earth. Everything was golden even the white and black fur covering Buddy's boney structure. There was a serenity to it.
I learned the word "verisimilitude" in college. It means the 'appearance of being true or real.' I fell in love with that word. I like the idea of things appearing to be true because to me there is a connotation that they are not.
What was true for Buddy yesterday as we walked was that he wanted to see the journey come to a conclusion. Animals are like that. They're singular in their goals no matter how brief they hold onto them.
What felt real to me was the feeling of being rushed and being tired. I had set out to write yesterday and it didn't happen because I ran out of time. I slept. I did chores. I walked the dog. I went to work. I went back to sleep.
I do that a lot especially with my writing. I set out to do it and never get there. Over the years I've started a handful of projects – novels, stories, etc. – that I never finish. One such project I've wrote over 50,000 words on, that's about half a standard novel, and now it rusts on the hard drive of my labtop.
I tell myself at some point I'll step out of the daily bussle and focus on that. But I can feel that slipping. I am falling through time. My head is down, the blade grinds in, I look up and 1/3 of the field is done.
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3 comments:
I think it is very good. Maybe you are torn because it is kind of a sad subject. Hard to feel good about having a dismal self perspective. I know the feeling though, that point in your life when things start to change even though you may not want them to. When you start to realize the dreams of the past will just remain that.
What I don't really like is that I sort of forced a meaning onto it and did it kind of bluntly. I like to leave these more open to interpretation.
When these work, there sort of like the song lyrics which can mean something different to everyone.
Although its not good to be to vague either otherwise nobody gets what you're talking about. That's why this is a writing exercise. It make you address some of that kind of stuff.
I could see what you mean. I didn't feel like it came full circle at first until i read it again so i dont think that part was very blunt.
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