What Lies Inside

Note: I actually wrote this almost a month ago I think. It has sat for awhile because I didn't like it. I was going to send it to Red to review today but when I did an edit it sorta made sense. I don't wanna put all the pieces in there anyway. This was the first time I tried to free write in third person. I dunno if that is a good idea or not. So anywhere here it is.

“I made a promise by the side of the road that I would bury my God damn halo.” Heart Full of Black – Burning Brides

“It sure is pretty” he whispered to himself. The clear night sky was illuminated by the millions of stars populating the heavens. Off in John’s house the basement lights were glowing full of the joy and fun that was sure to be happening in there. Looking back through the yard another heavy sigh escaped his lips. He still felt the shame that prevented him from going inside in the first place. He had forsaken his friends earlier in the night and now he didn’t have the strength left to walk in tail tucked between his legs. But he still didn’t want to go home. It was a nice night to sit and count the stars. He settled into his camp chair trying to be comfortable enough to withstand reliving the night over and over again.

“None of them even like you.” Those words still stung and he was the one that said them. He had a habit of being a bit brash when he became unsettled. All he wanted was to spend some time with her. It had been a couple days since he had seen Joan. Finally back from her trip a quiet night together would be nice. He had made the call, told his friends he wouldn’t be over although he didn’t say why. Joan was in the mood for fun but not spending time with him fun. She wanted to be wild, hang with friends, play games, to be young. His rejection had to turn into her hurt; all it took was that one sentence. Off she drove to her grandparent’s house where she was supposed to check in with her folks. “I can’t stay here.” The feeling grabbed hold of him as he watched those tail lights fade into the night.

“I’ll just tell them plans fell through. That is all. It won’t matter where I was just that I made it.” He was practicing his excuses as he drove his old truck down the road. It lumbered over the hills. The short drive to John’s place seemed like an eternity. His mind continued to race over the guilt of that sentence and possible inquisition that awaited him. Not so much the questions but the looks, the thoughts that he knew would be racing through their heads.

Then in a flash all the air left his lungs, his heart shank to some place below his chest that he didn’t know was possible. There was her car. Joan’s car parked on the side of the road in front of that house. Henry’s house! “That bitch!” he exclaimed as he pulled up in front of it. There he stood staring in at the glowing house looking for any sort of movement. All the rumors he had heard from friends, classmates ran through his head, the times she dropped his name suddenly making sense. Still he stood there paralyzed, too scared to go in, too mad to leave, too hurt to think.

It took another look at that black sky dotted with all those tiny white lights. He was here to relax, calm down. Although the fact that he was sitting out in John’s backyard in the dark was probably evidence that he wasn’t going to calm down. He closed his eyes trying to reread what he wrote on that note left on the windshield. It didn’t matter now it is done. He promised himself that this was enough, the rollercoaster they had been riding needed to end. “So for now let’s just get through tonight” as if talking to himself somehow made it better. “I wonder if they’ll find me out here. I don’t think I want that to happen.” All those thoughts raced again as the rollercoaster prepared for take-off in his head one more time.