Note: I sort of rushed through the last part. I still like how this tends to turn from where I think it is going. Enjoy.
Disc 1
Track 10
Overweight
Blue October
Foiled
But are we scared to take the ride? Or dare to look inside?
Hal picked up the note, almost knowing what it said before he read even a word. The paper shook in his trembling hands. It was the hall pass to hell. It was the permission he was looking for. It was the incentive, the purpose for his plan.
He studied the letter one last time.
Hal,
When this is all over, call me. Then we can start again.
Love,
Mary.
He released the paper and it floated in the air. Then it caught a current of air and glided across the room till it hit a stronger current and changed direction. Finally, it found the floor, and so did his knees as he collapsed in grief and relief to the floor.
The paper looked like ashes skipping the air. It looked like dust coming off the rubble of a tall building. Hal bent over and embraced the chest, it had a cold, haunting touch. Yet, clarity hit him in a rush.
Lifting his head, the name came from deep inside.
Abdul Mushi
Hal grinned as the plan tickled in the synapses of his brain.
Disc 1
Track 11
Sweet Jane
The Velvet Underground
The Best of the Velvet Undeground
And anyone who ever played a part. Oh wouldn't turn around and hate it!
"It means Servant of the Reckoner," Abdul Mushi explained his name and spat on the floor of his cell.
It was three weeks earlier that Mushi had been transfered to a cell in Jacobs County jail from the boys up in Chicago. Mushi was suspected of helping a terrorist group carry out a few small acts of violence.
It took Hal about five minutes to know that Mushi was full of shit and had the backbone of a jellyfish.
"Well, I bet nobody up there or down here reckoned you'd end up here," Hal quipped on a slow day when he decided to visit the jail's most famous resident.
Abdul was an instigator, that was for sure. But he was more like the kid that yells fight on the playground rather than the one going out and brawling with the biggest boy in the class.
"You can't hold me forever. I may be Muslim, but I know my rights," Abdul growled, but had muffled a little bit of laugh at Hal's joke.
"Maybe not. It's not really our call," Hal said. He had read up on Abdul since his arrival and knew that he was the leader of a very vocal, but peaceful Muslim group in Chicago.
"Hmmph." Abdul turned his back to Hal. "I have done none of this. None of it."
"Then they'll set you free."
"You think," Abdul turned around, his accent growing thicker. "This is why people hate America. You go on and on about rights, but as soon as something happens, you snatch up rights like children's hands in a candy jar. I am not a vengeful man, but this makes me wish hate upon you."
"I've done nothing to you," Hal backed away even though the metal bars were between them.
"Yet. You have done nothing yet."
Disc 1
Track 12
Green Eyes
Coldplay
A Rush of Blood to the Head
I came here with a load. And it feels so much lighter. Now I met you.
Hal put the memory of the Abdul Mushi out of his head for the time being. He had a family history lesson in front of him – a lesson of a family like no other.
He opened the chest and the chest was almost completely empty. All the artifacts that had rested in there before were gone. He looked to the door and wondered if Mary had taken them, and thought it unlikely. She would have had to carry things out all day long. There was a magic, a mystery to this chest.
He reached his hand to the bottom and found a large volume with a wooden cover. There was one word, written in what he thought was hebrew, across the front.
The word was "Qayin"
The image of the wolf was there also gorging on a sheep. He flipped open the cover to a title page also written in hebrew. He nearly put the book back thinking that it was little use to him if it wasn't in English, but then the words changed.
"The curse of the Wanderer." was on the top line. Underneath was the line, "The mark of evil, as placed upon the line by the Lord."
Hal gulped and turned the page.
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3 comments:
Moving along pretty good. It is getting tense now. :) I need to find this rythym in my work to keep things flowing. Maybe I can slowly build into shorter sections as it progresses. Although I havent written another word yet. Ideas are racing in my head as to what can happen with Mushi. The book in teh last section seems a little like a curveball but i can see where you are going, well sorta. ok i have no clue, just along for the ride :)
If you know where the "book" in the last section is going, you are one step ahead of me. I worry I opened Pandora's box a little with that and may be overstepping my knowledge a little bit. I only took about five minutes to research "Qayin" (Not sure if you looked up to translate, I would if I were you). But I wanted a point of origin for the family and that biblical character popped into my head. I was unaware of some of the mystery surrounding him after he disappears from the bible pages, but it did lend a bit to my story, I think. Now I just need to be able to handle the next part adequately without getting too long or stalling the story.
Often I wish my writing was longer, more detail rich. I find that my plots and stories are more character driven than situation driven. I find I am more interested in how this all effects Hal, than I am on what actually happens (although I am also curious where all this leads).
I guess that is what I meant by where you are going. As soon as I heard the part about hebrew, Cain came to mind. Especially since I kind of had the relation of a wolf in my head. I have no idea if that was from some sunday school teaching or what. I would say don't try to get into the history too much, let us just make the connection and move on. It is just a drawing back to the beginning, the two sides of the equation, good & evil.
I think character driven is great with this story. I think it is the only way to get us to connect with Hal, feel sorry for him at times. I look at it as sort of his descent into madness and that he isnt all there. So i don;t think detail is as important as what he feels. the pain, the conflict and yet the yearning to be that person. It is your story, but I think the rythym has been great. It has had focus and I am not getting lost in the details. I am right there with Hal every step of the way.
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