Note: I did my best to shorten my segments cause I couldn't keep generating that much info each time. Hopefully now that I have kinda set the stage I can move a little fast through the story. I still don't know where I am going. I figure if I ever finished I would have to rewrite the beginning part to make sure clues are consistent.
Disc 1
Track 5
No You Girls
Franz Ferdinand
Tonight: Franz Ferdinand
Lick your cigarette, then kiss me.
Justin took the pack of Marlboro Lights from his shirt pocket. The silver lighter was always in his left pants’ pocket, a stable piece of his life. He flipped the lighter open and the orange flame shot out into the air. The tobacco glowed red at the end of the cigarette as he took his first drag. The nicotine, the surging rush of life, hit his lungs and flooded into his blood stream. The first exhale of smoke brought a smile to his face.
Justin had finished taking pictures of the scene. The coroner had cleared the body and carted it off to the morgue. His initial report didn’t tell Justin anything he didn’t already know about the time of death, some time last night. The other detectives and crime scene crew arrived shortly after. He needed to get out of the crowd. He left Pete to handle the transfer of information.
If someone needed him, they would know where to find him. He found serenity outside the house with his smokes. It crossed his mind that he really only smokes at work. His apartment was non-smoking, but he could still go out onto the balcony if he wished. Yet, he never did. Kristy never approved of his smoking, either. She eventually got him to quit doing it at home. He must have kept that habit.
Justin took another drag as the cigarette hit his lips. He felt alive, relaxed. The burden of the crime scene lifted from his shoulders. The burning tobacco transported his thoughts away.
Kristy was standing in front of him. She wore the red dress that displayed her ample breasts. Her lipstick matched the dress. Her beautiful blonde hair was curled and resting on her shoulders. She walked up to Justin and kissed him on the lips.
“You ready?”
“Yeah,” Justin replied slowly with whatever breath he could manage back into his lungs.
They headed out the door to Justin’s waiting car. He opened the door for her as sat down in the passenger seat. He ran back over to the driver’s side and sped the car off into the night.
He exhaled the smoke from his lungs. He looked down at the white stick in his right hand between the middle and ring finger. The cigarette was down to the filter, time to get back to work. He flicked it off into the yard as he walked back into the house.
Disc 1
Track 6
Burn the Witch
Queens of the Stoneage
Lullabies to Paralyze
Fan the flames with a little lie, then turn your cheek until the fire dies.
The afternoon edition of the paper was on Justin’s desk when he got back to the station. The head line read, ‘Xerox Killer Strikes!’ Justin’s forehead creased as he continued to read the story.
“What the hell?”
“Hey,” Pete called as he walked over. “Do you like the name?”
“You told the press about the x? You named our killer?” The creases intensified on Justin’s forehead. He could feel his right ear start to burn.
“Yeah, pretty clever, huh? You get it? Xerox, copy of the X killer.” Pete took a sip from his coffee cup. “Those newspaper guys loved it.”
The paper in Justin’s hands hit the floor as he swung. His right fist landed hard into Pete’s gut. The coffee splashed out of the cup across the tile flooring. Pete fell to a knee as he doubled over clutching his arms across his stomach. He was coughing coffee out of his lungs.
“How fucking stupid can you be? We don’t even know that it was a copy cat!” Justin’s chest bulged from the rage he felt. Both of his ears felt like they were on fire now. His fist was still clenched tight, ready to strike again.
“You’re just jealous, you fucking glory hound!”
Pete lunged up to his feet trying to throw a punch. The gap was too large. Justin easily dodged the attempt and shoved Pete back onto the floor.
“Let me know when you decide to stop doing sloppy police work.” Justin bent down and picked up the coffee soaked newspaper. He threw it in the trash next to his desk as he walked off.
Disc 1
Track 7
Lie Lie Lie
Serj Tarkian
Elect the Dead
She took my hand and I let her go. She broke her little bones on the boulders below.
Store front lights and neon signs lit up the night. The streets were buzzing in the downtime district. Even at 11 p.m., the denizens were still active as if it were noon. The district never slept.
A lady stood looking out the window of her upstairs apartment down onto the bustle of the streets. She ran the book shop and cafe below, which closed at ten. Her arms stretched over her head as she yawned. She pulled the shade on the window, it was extra thick to block out the lights of the street.
She flipped the light switch with her left hand as she walked into the bathroom. She picked up the brush lying on the sink and began to stroke her hair. A few strands of her brunette hair stuck in the brush. She grabbed a band from a draw and tied her hair back behind her head.
Suddenly, her head whips around to face the door to the apartment. Footsteps can be heard coming up the stairway. Her eyebrows drop and her eyes narrow. She slowly walks to the door and places her ear against it. Her face strains as he presses her head harder against the door.
She shuts her left eye to look through the peep hole with her right. A single bulb illuminates the landing at the top of the stairway in front of her door. There is no movement outside.
She steps away from the door slowly running her hand back over her hair. She reaches over and undoes the chain from the door. She flips open the deadbolt as slowly as she can. The click seems as loud as a car horn. She turns the knob to open the door.
As the door opened a crack, she is thrown backwards by a shove on the other side of the door. She lands back onto the floor, knocking her head on the hard wood. She looks back in time to see a figure hit the light switch by the door turning off the lights in the apartment.
She struggles to her feet. Then, the attacker swings. Her eyes clench shut and her mouth gapes open. She contorts her body to the right as the knife is withdrawn from her rib cage. She bites her lip as she kicks out. Her shin sweeps the legs of the attacker. The knife rattles off into the corner of the room as the figure hits the floor.
She struggles onto her knees heading to the door. Her mouth opens as to scream, but nothing comes out. She holds her side as she makes it out onto the landing.
The attacker grabs her hand as she tries to head to a back window and the fire escape. The jerk throws her off balance. The attacker continues pulling and sends her tumbling down the stairs. The crunch of her bones breaking echoes in the stairwell.
Her body comes to rest in a corner at the bottom of the stairs. Her head is jammed into the wall. The legs of her lifeless body lay across the first two steps. The attacker stood at the top staring at the body for a moment. The heavy breathing seemed very audible in the silence.
The attacker walked back into the apartment and picked up the knife. With a gloved hand, the apartment door was shut. Next, the attacker reached up and unscrewed the light bulb the illuminated the landing at the top of the stair.
The attacker stopped at the bottom of the stairs. Using the knife, an X was carved into her right thigh that was exposed below her shorts. The attacker wiped the drops of blood of on her shirt and walked out the door into the noise and chaos of the busy streets.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
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2 comments:
i really liked the first scene. Nice sense of the burning tension driving story.
The last scene is good, but it has a few typos in it especially whenever you use "attacker". You seem to always miss a letter or add a wrong one.
I didn't see the punch coming in the second scene. Should police partners be fighting in the office? Maybe there's more back story between the two that you will fill us in on later in the story.
The middle scene is interesting. I wanted to paint a very narrow picture there. I thought about adding a reaction from someone else in the station but decided I should focus more on Justin's feelings and maybe even his narrowed perspective.
I tried to pepper a few clues in there without giving anything away. More like once you figure it out what i am trying to do, this would be a spot where you would look back and go a ha. Dunno if that is a good idea for a book, but I am trying to make it work.
I also noticed i had some spacing issues in translation here. SO i tried to fix what i could just now. IT is really hard to write a scene and try to never use any sort of gender pronoun or name indentifier on a mystery person.
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